So Tiger calls and…

Article by NiceBallz.com

…I’m like, “Dude, what up!?” …and he’s all “Waaaaannhhhh! Liberty National is ‘interesting‘ and the FedEx Cup is ‘interesting’ too! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnh! And it’s really f*cking interesting that someone like Heath Slocum could win the FedEx Cup!  And you know what else is interesting?  How awesome I am for even playing in these so-called ’playoffs’.  We’ll see how interesting it is when I develop a severe case of I-don’t-give-a-crap-itis and sit out the last two events.  Oh yeah, by the way WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANH!”

And then Ryan Moore calls and is all like…

“Dude, waaaaaaaaaaannnh! None of us like the FedEx Cup!  Waaaaaaaaaannnh. We want to change it.  What’s up with all the corporate mother-ship attitude from the PGA anyway man?  Shouldn’t we just play for the love of the game bro?  Or we could give the money to a village in Uganda so they can learn how to make self-sustaining compost out of their feces! That would be maaaarvelooous.  Oh yeah….waaaaaaaaaaannnh.”

And then Heath Slocum calls and is all like…

“Yo! This FedEx Cup thing rocks the sh*t baby! Can you believe I barely got in and now am third?! I don’t know what kind of U.S. Jr High math whiz worked up this formula but they are a genius man, epic f*cking genius. No wonder every other country owns our asses in math and science.  Oh and Liberty National?  Uh last I checked we all played the same course, so whatever bitches! I gotta go.  Need to add some suppoprt to my trophy case and find a bank that will cash a giant check.”

Disclaimer: Any similarity to the genius of Dan Lyons/Fake Steve Job posts of this nature is entirely on purpose. His ‘So XYZ called…’ pieces are what served as inspiration (that and PGA pros whining) for this post.