Dear Single Sergio

Article by NiceBallz.com

Dear Single Sergio,

Let’s just be friends. It’s not you; it’s me. Well, actually, it is mostly you.

You wear your clothes tighter than mine. I can’t have that.

You waggle your golf club too much. My Dad says if you shake it more than twice you’re playing with it.

You refuse to eat Vegemite for breakfast. You know I hate Nutella.

Your Michelob sponsorship pisses me off. It’s cheap American swill. BTW, I don’t care who bought it, it’s still not Belgian. Even San Miguel and Mahou, that cheap Spanish crap you drink at home, are better beers. And, when will you learn Foster’s is ‘Australian for Beer’? Geez!

I hate the bullfights. I never want to go again. It’s just so mean. And I am OVER playing the ‘feisty bull’ to your matador at home. Red is not your color, anyway. It’s Tiger’s. Everyone knows that.

When they say you’re the best player to never win a major, it’s not a compliment, OK?

How come your other girlfriends had cool nicknames? Swiss Miss. Why not me?! Awesome Aussie. I mean, give a girl something.

If our breakup affects your swing it’s not my fault. You’re always full of excuses. You got a bad tee time. The weather wasn’t fair. The lights aren’t low enough, baby. The music’s not right. Whatever.

Our apartment is not big enough for the three of us – you, me and your ego. Don’t call me anymore. And I’m not into that ‘sexting’ stuff either.

Have a nice life,
MeanMorgan

P.S. – Adam Scott has as many wins as you and is WAY hotter. And, he’s an Aussie. Oy! Do you have his number?